201 Signs That You May Be Turning Into a Dragon (or Have Already)
1. You like to sleep on the concrete floor because the bed's too soft.
2. You scratch up the screen on your iPhone when you try to use it.
3. You realize fire comes out of your mouth when you're angry.
4. You jokingly ask someone, "Can one simply walk into Mordor?" and they reply, "Well, YOU could."
5. You wake up after a good night's sleep in a hospital because you were "in a coma."
6. You got in trouble because you attacked your friend for touching your bottle cap "collection
" when there are more than 10 of each kind.
7. Whenever you see something scaly it turns you on.
8. You have inexplicable cravings for meat.
9. You have a hard time typing on the keyboard because your "nails" get in the way.
10. Your children meep instead of cry.
11. You get the sudden urge to fly somewhere. Without using anything.
12. Whenever you see a guy in shining armor it gives you the chills.
13. You have seriously considered filing your nails so they are good and sharp.
14. You go to a large event and look upon the crowd as if they are tiny ants.
15. You forget to use your utensils and go face first into your dinner.
16. You like to shove a whole lot of food in your mouth and swallow it down all at once, or you like to swallow everything whole.
17. Whenever you go out on a date someone thinks she's a damsel in distress.
18. Your skin has changed color (if it's orange you may have just been eating too many carrots.)
19. The fingers and toes on your hands and feet number something other than "5."
20. You find yourself perching on whatever you can because it's more comfortable than sitting.
21. Your skin doesn't soften up no matter how much moisturizer you put on it.
22. You look at your best friend and your mouth begins to salivate.
23. Your tongue is forked (plastic surgery does NOT count.)
24. Someone shoots your forehead at point-blank range and the bullet shatters.
25. You realize that you've been eating way more than you usually do and eating way less often.
26. Your little sister starts talking about you instead of the monster in her closet.
27. You have slit eyes. No, those are NOT normal.
28. You use the scratching post more than your cat.
29. Your mom tells you to stop stealing her jewelry and making a pile out of it.
30. You find yourself licking up water instead of chugging it down.
31. Whenever your family is done with that ham, they give the bone to you instead of the dog.
32. You roar when you sneeze.
33. Your voice cracks. Severely.
34. Your tongue is long enough to clean your eyes with.
35. You've become stronger than everyone else without having to do anything.
36. The fire alarm goes off every time you pass it.
37. Your temperature goes above 100˚F and you don't feel anything.
38. You wear a tee and shorts in the winter because you don't feel the cold.
39. You find yourself drawn to the sunny spots of the house for basking.
40. Your hands become thick enough to better resemble paws.
41. You have bone coming out of your skin where your spine is. I bet you keep that a secret!
42. You periodically have mutation episodes that cause your friends to make fun of you and say, "You're not going to go dino on us, are you?"
43. Frosty the Snowman books it the moment he sees you.
44. You see a reptile and think, "Cousin!"
45. You don't need a costume to go trick-or-treating.
46. You like it when people stroke your "underbelly."
47. You notice your neck is more than a foot long.
48. You notice those two moles on your back can flap up and down.
49. You look at dragon pictures on deviantArt.com not realizing it's not a dating site.
50. Your little sister/daughter goes through the "Little Red Riding Hood" routine every time you tuck her in bed.
51. Your breath keeps getting worse no matter what you do.
52. You can Taser yourself by sticking your tongue on the roof of your mouth (that's called a thor's thimble.)
53. Vegetables and fruit make you throw up.
54. Everyone who looks into your eyes gets mesmerized for a week. If you are a vampire, this does NOT count.
55. Your face is pointed. Not just your nose, but your whole freaking face!!
56. You seriously consider working at the circus for beef jerky (does not count if you are a redneck.)
57. You wake up in the morning after a nightmare with your bed sheets torn (why did you think to give the bed another try???)
58. Your name is Puff, Smaug, Falcor, Mushu or Fanfir.
59. You notice people from China and Japan are bowing to you.
60. You go to the Poképark and someone thinks you are a Pokémon.
61. You go see a freak show and everyone turns and looks at you when they announce "the Alligator Lady."
62. You walk into a stadium and everyone stampedes out screaming.
63. A dragon fanatic you know starts taking a keen interest in you.
64. Someone asks you to mascot at the DragonCon. When you ask what you need to wear, they tell you that you are fine in the costume you are in now. You aren't wearing a costume.
65. Your wife won't kiss you anymore on account of your "rotting meat breath."
66. Your saliva is acidic.
67. You survived going into an incinerator without so much as a burn.
68. You were eaten whole and you clawed your way out.
69. You accidentally punctured your pet mouse's head when you went to poke it. Then you got the sudden urge to eat it.
70. You eat some raw and unprepared meat and are actually satisfied by it, right up until you flush it down the toilet.
71. Cooked meat tastes like candy to you, especially if it's seasoned.
72. Those party hats on your head are actually part of your head.
73. You reeaaallyy want that cookie.
74. You have a weird dream where you see a cute little dragon eating all your cookies. Then you wake up as you shove the last cookie in your mouth.
75. You like to lick your hands instead of washing them.
76. You get the sudden urge to lick yourself in other places, too.
77. You get a really bad "butt cramp" as you look behind you and see your bottom is bulging outwards. Don't worry guys, you're body isn't on backwards.
78. Something about those plush toys make you want to rip them to shreds.
79. You smile in the mirror and realize all your teeth are canines.
80. You make your nose bleed whenever you try to pick it on account of your sharp nails.
81. You get the urge to walk on all fours.
82. Your room looks like a cave.
83. Your room IS a cave.
84. Whenever you think about kissing a human it makes you hungry.
85. Whenever you see a painting of a raging, fire-breathing dragon you think: "She's hot when she's angry."
86. You can tell if a dragon is a girl or boy by instinct.
87. Dogs and cats are overly fascinated with your scent.
88. You start to recognize your loved one by their scent instead of their looks.
89. You have to push back serious impulses to take every shiny diamond you see in the jewelry store.
90. You collect anything and everything that is shiny.
91. You want to say "mate" instead of "wife," "hatchlings" instead of "kids" and "clutchmates" instead of "brothers and sisters."
92. Your snores keep everyone in the house awake. You must have people trying to sleep in different rooms for this to count.
93. You notice you've outgrown your clothes three times this week.
94. Your pointed teeth jut out of your mouth.
95. Your toe nails keep ripping through your shoes.
96. You notice Barney is afraid to hug you.
97. People start asking you for a ride and you have no car.
98. You get the urge to chase and kill any living thing that runs.
99. You like to put all of the things in your room into a pile and lie on it.
100. There's a dragon in your mirror.
101. Everyone around you feels compelled to sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" using your name. No, not instead of Jackie Paper, but instead of Puff.
102. "My precious" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface when it comes to your keepsakes.
103. Your friends see you and they yell, "It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait
It's just you."
104. You like looking at the clouds
the tops of them, anyway.
105. Whenever you go for a walk in the woods you mark the trees so you know how to get back
with your hands.
106. -You consider David Icke to be the David Duke of your people.
107. Your skin is *shiny* (also a qualifying factor for vampires.)
108. Whenever you are afraid your skin changes color to match your surroundings.
109. You are approached by Xavier who offers you to go to a school for "special people."
110. You understand the "quiet language" that is, understanding what all animals have to say through posture and gestures in conjunction with the sounds they make. You even know how to use it a bit yourself! (note: this is also a qualifying factor for turning into a werewolf.)
111. You can turn your head so you can see the back of your neck (even if it's just the base.)
112. Whenever you see or think about it you scream "BACON!!!"
113. -You hate it whenever someone uses "draconian" as a negative term.
114. You can verbally communicate with lizards and snakes (if you are a wizard or a witch you are NOT turning into a dragon, you just have Postle Tongue.)
115. You have a picture of a dragon for your dA profile.
116. That picture is a photo of you.
117. You used to think otherkins were awesome but now you think they're wannabes.
118. You injected Dracozine into your arm. http://fav.me/d3et1k8
119. You were bit by Itcus!! http://fav.me/d4g3xxd
120. Whenever you try something especially savory, like BBQ ribs, you can't help but binge on ALL the food.
121. You have to crawl down the stairs backwards because you can't balance on two legs very well anymore on the stairs.
122. You can't balance on two legs anymore, PERIOD.
123. You root for reptiles. You're sad about the fact that you live in a world where sentient "monkeys" are dominant.
124. You are filled with regret about the dinosaurs' extinction. You would have felt more at home if they didn't!
125. You start chasing cars (also a qualifying factor for a werewolf.)
126. You start chasing airplanes (NOT a qualifying factor for a werewolf.)
127. You ride hot air balloons using your favorite fuel
128. If you try you can eat a full meal in under 5 minutes.
129. Those D+D fanatics keep knocking at your door to ask you to play with them. If and when you do they only let you play as a dragon and only let you use your actual name.
130. Skyrim fans keep shouting at you for some reason.
131. You have problemsssss with pronounsssssing the letter "SSSSSSS."
132. You can imitate a snake's tongue flick perfectly.
133. That kid from Norway keeps trying to train and bribe you with fish. What's up with that?
134. Go to National Guard training and get handed a flamethrower because "it suits you."
135. The National Guard takes it away because they realized giving you a flamethrower is redundant.
136. Scales are popping up all over your house and front yard.
137. That Chinese herbal shop owner keeps following you from time to time to pick up scales that appear "out of nowhere." He also claims he's a skin therapist so he can take loose "flakes" of your skin off. Later you hear he's making a new Viagra using dragon scales.
138. You have to tell your friends you had to get some plastic surgery
all over your body.
139. You use the lame excuse of "I accidentally fell in a vat of paint" a lot of the time.
140. When you walk outside you hear a group of girls scream "It's Jake Long!!!!" Next thing you know you're being chased by a large group of girls.
141. Your friends call you "Draconic-American" whenever they're trying to be politically correct.
142. A gigantic dragon shows up in your back yard, claims it's your real parent and insists on taking you home NOW
before someone sees you like this.
143. You get a special invitation from the welders club. Actually it's more like pleading.
144. Your home insurance issued your house a notice stating that due to increased fire hazards they can't cover you for house fires anymore.
145. You've always tried to sit on high tension wires with the birds, but the birds always flee in terror when you try. You look down and notice people are doing the same.
146. European architects ask you for your help so they can make some ledge décor. If you say yes they start asking you to do a variety of poses.
147. You get an offer to star in a new show called "Scorched Housewives."
148. The mayor/HOA wants you to spearhead the "snow removal committee" for some reason.
149. You aren't interested about the Narnia series at all until you get halfway into "Voyage of the Dawn Treader."
150. You get angry when you can't fly to your destination.
151. You start referring to Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher as "McNuggetts."
152. You think your spouse's new Nomex undergarments are cute/hot
along with that fire extinguisher under their bed.
153. Your valentine just sent you a box of chocolate-covered
knights? You wonder why they would send you something like that while you chew away with delight.
154. (Girls) you really enjoyed getting reacquainted with that guy who stood you up
and melting his Mercedes in the process!
155. Your wise-crack younger brother gave you a can of Sterno and a straw.
156. Your friends ask you to stop speaking draconic all the time and start speaking English for once.
157. You realize you can't speak English anymore.
158. You hate tight spaces
like hallways and doors.
159. You have to be careful whenever you close the door so parts of your body don't get slammed in the doorway.
160. You realize one of those parts is a tail.
161. Your friends refuse to answer your "Does this tail make me look fat?" questions and just tremble a lot instead.
162. Your ears are long, finned or are just two holes on the side of your head. Be sure to check and see those long ears are not lupine ears, because then you'd just be a werewolf.
163. All of your hair falls out or naturally changes to a vibrant color.
164. Your tongue bleeds every time you bite it.
165. You're 100th birthday is coming up but everyone still thinks you're a teenager.
166. You hear rumors that there is a cult in town and that you are their object of worship.
167. You stole some cursed gold from a cave.
168. Some guy named Bilbo Baggins is trying to steal your stuff.
169. A secret government organization abducts you and brings you to a secret base where mythical creatures are kept.
170. When Gandalf sees you the first thing he says is "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!"
171. The Men in Black walk up to your door and asks for your alien ID.
172. You find out you're part of some sort of genetic experiment.
173. You turn on the TV and see a story about your neighborhood and there are many witnesses who claimed they saw something. The all say the same thing: "He was a man
a sort of
dragon man. Or maybe he was just a dragon!" Funny thing is you're the only one who hasn't seen this thing.
174. Your friends ask you to help out at the barbecue because they ran out of propane.
175. Your friends compare you to "The Thing."
176. You don't need ice skates to draw lines in the ice.
177. You can scare a grizzly bear away just by yelling at it.
178. Your Warhammer40k friends think you look like a Tyranid.
179. You cut a circle in a glass window using your claws.
180. You go to a Gators football game and everyone thinks you're the mascot.
181. You have to reassure everyone that for the last time, YOU ARE NOT MALIFICENT!!
182. Someone honestly mistakes you for Figment, the dragon of imagination!
183. You go to Disney and someone thinks you're a new attraction.
184. Your sister claims that you ate her homework. Little does anyone know she's absolutely right.
185. You like to hold small objects with both of your hands.
186. You can use your spit instead of glue.
187. You have an extremely high appreciation of art. This goes beyond just liking art you have to be obsessed about it!
188. You keep an extremely detailed inventory of all your things so you know right away if someone takes something.
189. You notice you have two sets of shoulders (because of wings, duh!)
190. You can feel it when danger is nearby.
191. You got kicked from the baseball team because they think you are on steroids when you haven't taken anything your whole life.
192. The moment your mother sees you, she calls the exorcist.
193. You wake up one morning feeling full and your pets are nowhere to be found.
194. Whenever you chew and swallow you tilt your head up towards the ceiling.
195. You have to be careful because for some reason if you turn around anything behind you gets knocked over or knocked off.
196. Someone walks up to you and says, "I know you
You're the Philosoraptor!"
197. When you walk by Chuck Norris he turns and looks at you because you look so strange.
198. When you get home your mom/spouse/posse/roommate exclaims, "Hey, you didn't tell me you were going to get your face done in that Face Off show!"
199. Your posse are all dragons.
200. You contributed to this list (you need help.)
201. You made this list (HELP ME.)